I'm Sorry....

There she was, like a dream soft skin red lips
and all. Just like he had imagined her so many
times before. Standing in the middle of his
living room.
So vulnerable , like never before she out stretched her
arms to him like a child needing to be held
He looked at her his eyes suddenly gone
glossy. He pushed her hands away
as he told her to go home
He knew why she was there the one she loved betrayed
her trust and now all alone she just need someone
anyone to hold her
Go home he repeated she looked at him with tears in her eyes
he could see disbelieve, hurt, and embarrassment in her face.
He felt his heart break all he wanted was to confess
all the things he held, how deep was the love he felt
but he didn't want her this way knowing it
was someone else who invaded her thoughts he bit down on his tongue so the
words wouldn't escape a flood of the salty taste of blood filling his mouth.
She stepped back staring at the floor unable to look him in the face
All this time she'd been so blind she missed the signs
all this time in silence he had loved her
She turned to leave only being able to mutter out the heart felt words
I'm sorry.....

Goodbye...

You hug him good-bye like it's nothing...

While all you want to do is hold on forever.

But you let go, smile and walk away.

Then cry all the way home, because you know it will never be the same.

Because, try as you might, you can't make someone love you.

Sometimes you have to let them be free.

And letting go...

That is when love hurts the most of all

Prom

Prom sometimes I wonder what it
will be like and other times I don't
At first I was all excited and now
I just don't know
I already paid for it so now I have
to go Plus all my friends expect
me to go so guess it just makes
sense that I'd be there
I still don't have a dress though
most of the girls are already talking
about how great their dresses are
is not really about money
for me Because I know my mom
is going to buy me one no matter
what she has to do she does so
much I can't help feel bad
sometimes... Prom
I don't know there's just so much
going on inside my head it just
hurts I guess I should be happy
but I'm not that much really at
least not as much as I thought
I would be!!!!!

Ausencia

Un suspiro, una mirada triste,
la voz quebrantada y un sin fin 
de lagrimas en mis ojos
es lo que me ha dejado
tu ausencia...

Ausencia que me lastima,
porque quisiera sentir el
aroma de tu presencia...

Ausencia que a la vez 
me provoca un alivio al 
haberme enseñado que en 
el mundo no todo es
color de rosa... 

Ausencia que me hace saber
que en este mundo hay personas
con los mas bellos sueños,
y que a su vez hay quienes como tú
que se encargan de convertirlos en pesadillas...

Ausencia que me mete 
un sin fin de ideas en mi mente,

las cuales para extraños
son locuras, pero para mi
tienen que ser indiferentes.

Pero como hacer si aun te amo
a pesar de todo el daño que 
me hiciste, tendré que sobrevivir 
hasta que el tiempo
...deje mi corazon
totalmente ausente.

Sometimes You Leave

All the raindrops
In the sky tonight
Can't compare with all the pain
And all the tears I've cried
But now I'm done...
All the make believeLocked in this picture frame
Is gonna stay behind
Along with all the burning rage
That's been tearing through my heart
killing me slowly Every beat, I was falling apart
Sometimes you give
Sometimes they take
Sometimes you bend
And sometimes they break you down
Sometimes you stick around
Trying to change them
Make them someone that they'll never be
And sometimes you leave
All this time I've spent
Staring at the door I never had the strength
To pack my bags and leave before
But now I'm done
Lying to myself when it's clear
That you're not that one
When there's nothing left
For me to leave behind
And you're already too far gone
To say goodbye...
Sometimes you most leave

To My EX ..... Ha Ha

Did you check the tires

Put gas in the car

Don't think you need too much, 'cause you ain't gonna get that far

Did you pack the good times

Don't forget a map

Just in case the route you take isn't there to take you back

You can hold any girl that you like

Fall in love when it's easy at night

But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better

When you're lost and run out of road

Find what I already know In the end closer's all there is

But you won't find this

No, you won't find this

There's once in a lifetime And there's once in a while

And the difference between the two is about a million miles

you might get lucky while the moon is looking up

But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone

You can hold any girl that you like

Fall in love when it's easy at night

But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better

When you're lost and run out of road

Find what I already knowIn the end closer's all there is

Oh, in the end it's me you're going to miss'Cause you won't find this

NO YOU WONT FIND THIS

EIGHTEEN YEARS

Eighteen years have come and gone I look
back and it feels like time just flew
by For so long I waited for this day don't
really know what I expected
The ground didn't shake nor did the earth
stop spinning but I see the change
You can't even imagine how much has
happened through all those years so
many dreams shut down so many disappointments
so many tears but I'm
thankful for every struggle for every fall
for those are the things that have shaped
me and made me who I am today And
today I can honestly say I'm proud of the out come
because not once have I been unable
to look at myself in the mirror
And out of all eighteen years of my
life I hold no regrets and that's more
then many people can say

My Sweet Angel

I watch you sleep and in your face I see the peace I so long for.
With every breath you take my problems fade,
there's no place I'd rather be then here. And when you look at
me with those big eyes filled with such innocence
I know there is know way I'd ever stop loving you. And in this
world that's lost I'd build a little box, with walls of
glass to keep you save inside where no harm could ever
find you. And I'd take the blame I'd take the pain
in your place cuz you deserve no sorrow. And I would go
to the extreme to make you smile cuz if your
happy that's all that counts. Everything else just ain't important
And is never to late I'm never to busy or
tiered If you need my attention I'll drop everything I'm doing
without a doubt because your priority
But even those thoughts fade as I watch you sleep so
peacefully. I give you a kiss and wish
you sweet dreams. As I leave a little piece of my heart
under your billow. And I walk away but
have no worries I'll never be to far away, my sweet angel

Time to walk away

You said you loved me but showed so much doubt,

I gave you my love while you played around

Did everything I could tried more then I should have

Lost my pride within all your lies

Is time to make new memories time is passing by.

I've had enough now I have to move on,Can't hold on to something that I know is gone.

Now is to late, I've learned to except that
Don't think we ever had what I thought we did

But I was so blind it took me forever to truly see
Now I have to say good-bye is time to think of me,It hurts to walk away but that’s how it’s got to be.

I have to go on now a bright future awaits me ahead,

Wish it was with you but things don't always happen the way we wish

The Way That I Love

I love, With sweetness with care with worry

I love, Like a woman mature like a child with innocence

I love, Without thinking or doubting without measuring consequences

love, Faithful and honestly without secrets or understatements

I love, With uncontrollable emotions like a teenager, warm in the morning blazing after midnight

I love, With anger with frustration resentment at times hate

I love, With forgiveness and a hand full of patience

love, Manipulating every move, every word, every kiss stimulating to push you over the edge

I love, Always aiming to go where no other has been making me replaceable just maybe forgettable only never

love, With passion with determination with confidence

I love, Without limits without boundaries at times blindly

Like that with no time with no end with no beginning like insanity That's how I want to love again.

A loner

I Rome the empty streets at night Alone in the dark with my ghosts useless thoughts of the past that hunts me. Memories from a long ago yesterday when I was happy when my life made sense and my future was so promising.

But that was in the past today I'm a shadow of what I once was. And my future a shadow of what I could have been. Long ago I used to miss the past cried to my eyes went dry. My screams for help were all unanswered.

So I became numb, my heart became cold and it's been long since I last felt anything. I've become indifferent to the world that surrounds me. Invisible to the people as I walk among them. For humans only see what they wish to see.

I was once like them but life it self changed me. Within shadows of empty promises I've faded. I've seen mothers cry lost children and felt no pity. I've seen lovers cry betrayal and felt no sympathy. For after being alone for so long, yes I've become numb and heartless a loner in this world of darkness.

I Wish I Want

I wish I could put everything I feel into words
Find someone I could tell every single event
and would comprehend really understand I
wish I knew myself what's going on in my head
I want to scream at the top of my lungs and free
myself from all the bullshit that oppresses me Get
sick to my stomach and throw up all the drama that
just stresses me I wish I could cry a whole day and
make every tear an once of relive Write a poem that's
longer then a page and make every word represent
a new beginning I want my life to be simple just for
one day be worry free at least for a couple of seconds
I wish I could go back in time and never meet some
people not get so involved with one person in particular
I want to go to sleep and wake to find that everything
makes sense I wish I want to dream to see the end
To find the strength and inspiration to start again

Starts With Goodbye

I was siting there in my bed I turned off my
phone and it fell out of my hand.But I knew
I had to do it and the heart wouldn't understand
So hard to see myself without him I felt a piece
of my heart break But when your standing on a
cross road there's a choice you've got to make
I guess is gonna have to hurt I guess I'm gonna
have to cry and get over this love in order to
continue with my life Is said that sometimes
moving on with the rest of your life starts with
goodbye I know there's a new horizon some where
up ahead just waiting for me But I thought I'd reach
it with him by my side sometimes life so bitter sweet
Time heals all the wounds that we feel some how
but right now I guess is gonna have to hurt I guess
I'm gonna have to cry and get rid of this love to move
on with my life but is said that sometimes moving
on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye
I knew I had to do it and my heart wouldn't understand

There is nothing like a kiss in the rain !

Insanity

I feel the dark cold clammy touch of it

It haunts me in my dreams It makes

me cry and wonder why I suffer as I do.

I wonder when it will go away

When the pain will subside

But as I sit here in my false reality

My mind and soul slowly die.

My tears stain my cheeks as they slide down my face

It hurt so long, so long I've kept these tears

deep inside That relief is bitterly sweet.

My head is pounding and my brain is swimming

My eyes are red and sore I feel my heart

is at its last I can feel the fear no more.

My body is slowly numbing

The pain is almost gone I close my eyes and prepare myself

For my mind is at its last.

My throat goes dry as sand

My skin is freezing cold

But I lie awake

Eyes as wide as ever

But my mind has become no more.

Revenge

The hurt and torture deep inside,

The scalding pain of hate.

The sadness deep inside my soul,

That anger did create.

The anger causes pain inside,

Too deep to understand.

And the pain, in turn, will cause,

More hate, more fuel for my revenge

The scourge I lay upon you now,

You surely cannot break.

This curse will last for on and on,

Cause hurting me, for sure has been, your worst mistake

Walking Suicide

I'm a walking suicide
but you'd never know cuz
I hide it I got too much pride
to show my depression
I think about dying everyday
but I just never say so
cuz if I did people would
try to stop me, stop
me from succeeding
my goal. I fold my letter
up saying how I'm sorry for
being a disappointment to
my family and how you'll all be
better without me. You'd never
think little baby girl would try
something so bold didn't
know that the mold you
made her into turned it's grin
and that hell really does exist
in her eyes and she cries
for god to please just let her
die and be free for once from
the reality she lives in
But all this you'll never
know cuz I hid, just to much
pride but the matter of fact is
I'm a walking suicide

A way back home

I've been wandering down this road to long I'm just trying to find my way back home cuz the old me is dead and gone she's dead and gone........
After so long I realize that in life we have to have values and friends by our side
Today I see the little things for so long I looked passed Now much more mature I see I was selfish and I apologies to anyone I might have hurt along the path. And I was silly when I fell for some idiot that promised me fairytales but I'm over that stage now for my sins I swear I've paid. I've paid for my shear and more for tears of blood I've shed
But I get the point I've learned my lesson But I look to the right and there's no one by my side I look left and still no signal of anyone
So I look up to the sky and ask Why?
I've been wandering down this road to long I'm just trying to find my way back home cuz I swear the old me is dead and gone dead and gone....

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's day which is the same as any other day for me now that I'm single
crazy thing if we were still together today would have been our anniversary it would have been 6 years a life time to any other teenager But is ok I thought today I would feel sad and I don't
really which I'm glad for I guess that slowly I'm getting over him after all and I think thats great he don't deserve everything I felt for him So today is not a sad day for leaving him was the right choice.

Good vs. Evil

This pics is like me with some good some evil

Hot guy

writing workshop

 Yesterday we had a workshop with this guy at first I 

didn't want to go but once I was there I really liked it

we all got to write and then shear out I liked how most of 

our writings sounded alike I never knew I had so much in common 

with some people I see everyday but never talk to How weird is that.

 

I don't know what to say right now I'm in class 

I don't want to be here and I have lunch next which 

I totally hate non of my friends really have lunch with me and 

is so loud in there I just hate lunch I just wish I could go home

and call it a day!

Today

Today my mother made me come to school it is mad cold outside 

and it is snowing I almost busted my ass mad times I was so mad

I should be home right now not in school writing this shit  like really

anyways I might as well make the best out of having to be here if you

know what I mean I'm behind on so much work I don't know if I'll ever 

make it up and it sucks this was meant to be my best year and is not 

Blank moment!

Right now I don't know what else to blog about
I'm just going to go hear some music and see if I can get
any ideas so I can come back latter and write something
that isn't a pounch of bullshit Even though some of my blogs
are really good I have but thought into them but now I'm just having a blank moment so
whatever I'll try this latter !!

Here goes nothing!

well I need 40 blogs in order to pass my class so here
goes nothing I don't have shit to say since shit an't happen
today so here goes nothing I sit here and try to rhyme try to make
up some shit here on the spot just to fill some empty space so here goes nothing!

Can't believe

I can't believe I was so stupid to fall for your stupid lies I can't believe I fell for your games
that were so plain to see I can't believe I didn't hear the people that tryed so hard to tell me who you
really were. But even more I can't believe you want me back that you think I would really
give your stupid ass another chance I can't believe I'm even wasting a blog on someone like you
God like really I can't believe it!!

My reflection

I feel the change in the things I do in my words 

I know I have changed I see in the way the people around me look at me 

but when I look at my reflection thats when I'm sure

The face that looks back at me looks more mature some how everything I've

been through shows clearly in my eyes 

But there's a good side to everything I feel stronger I look it to 

I have changed my reflection never lies 

I don't know

I don't know anymore what I want to do with my life 

so soon I have become so unsure I thought I new I thought 

I had it all figured out all planed out on a simple

easy plan so easy to follow now everything has fallen apart

I'm not sure I know what I want anymore and it sucks to be me right now!!

Sometimes somedays

Sometimes it feels like my life is over like the world is gonna end but thats just sometimes

somedays I don't want to go on I just want to give up and be done but thats just somedays

sometimes I wake up in rage I just want to yell to anyone thats says my name but thats just sometimes

somedays I just want to cry cuz my hearts in pain but thats just somedays

sometimes I just need a friend who can give me hope or maybe a hug but thats just sometimes

somedays I just need to lie say that I'm alright but thats just somedays

But I know that I'll be alright because its just sometimes and somedays!

"Points Of Authority"

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last

You love the way I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
You take away if I give in
My life
My pride is broken

[Chorus:]
You like to think you're never wrong
(You live what you've learned)
You have to act like you're someone
(You live what you've learned)
You want someone to hurt like you
(You live what you've learned)
You want to share what you have been through
(You live what you've learned)

You love the things I say I'll do
The way I hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away when I give in
My life
My pride is broken

[Chorus]

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last

[Chorus]

[Chorus:]
You like to think you're never wrong – Forfeit the game
(You live what you've learned)
You have to act like you're someone – Forfeit the game
(You live what you've learned)
You want someone to hurt like you – Forfeit the game
(You live what you've learned)
You want to share what you have been through
(You live what you've learned)

"From The Inside"

I don’t know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

I won’t waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you
You
You

I’ll take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Everything from the inside and just throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you
You
You

Mondays

I hate mondays because I hate having to start a new week and
having to go to school but in the other hand I like Mondays because
they go by fast I have the easy classes and I get out at 12:30 and have the rest of the
day for myself !!

Cindy

Cindy is the one that is always lost so we always joke
a lot on her which is funny but she knows we just play around
She is quite or at least thats what other people believe the people
that don't talk to her much But yeah we a cool group!!!

Sonya

Sonya is one of my friends she is the crazy one!
I have a lot in common with her so I guess that makes
me crazy to! But I love her she is super funny we stay
having jokes about everything!!

My Day

Today started off a little weird I didn't want to get out of bed but it got
better once I got to school I mean I can't have a bad day with my friends
they are so crazy but I love them they can always make me laugh!!

An old friend

During the break I met up with an old friend that I had like 4 years
that I didn't see I think it ended up being like the best thing
that happened over break I looked him up on myspace and Aim and we got
to talking is kind of cool we have more in common now then we did before
after one day it was like those 4 years had never passed like we had always been in
touch!!

Today

Today I feel so bad don't know really why just feel like dieing
I just have to much going on my life right now sucks
My year started off fucked up But I want to keep hope that things
will get better I'm just talking shit I don't really believe that!!